i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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