You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
