Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
