Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
