you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
