ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish life had little blips of pornography
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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