i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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