i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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