Too much gin, very little bucket
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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