called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
