break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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