He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
