She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
