Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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