That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
