Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you