I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
if only i could text you this smell
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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