Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
