bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I had to cum in my sink.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
