Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
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