Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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