I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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