This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
