I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
