i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
