well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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