She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
