Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
is it fun? or sober?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
