Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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