it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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