I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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