what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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