do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
