i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
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Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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