What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
