Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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