hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
