David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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