Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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