she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
