I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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