Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
