I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
