He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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