Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
