Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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