I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
