There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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