I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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