I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
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I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
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scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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