I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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