I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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