Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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