My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize