how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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