I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
