So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
