How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
