literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
