omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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