I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
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I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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