Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
