Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Randomize
