Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
