im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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