Come see our sink grown plant.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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