i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
