I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
only if we run a train.
done.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
