You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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