Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
