I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
