Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
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New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
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Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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