At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
