All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
why do cheetos always look like penises
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
A+ Viking dick
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
