Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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