where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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