i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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