Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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