My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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